June 6th, 12
I saw the date and it shocked me. 6 years ago, to the day, I graduated middle school. It just happened, still feels fresh. I remember then i always wanted to be older shouting at my mother on several occasions "I can't wait to move out! I'm never coming back". Aha funny memories as I went through puberty. Now I catch myself wondering why did I have to grow up? Adulthood hasn't been kind to me my first year on my own (living with an aunt in another state.. haha). In fact I wish to be young again and tell that little rebel to cut the shit you got time focus on school. However, that is not the case. Rather, I went through the years on an average level meeting the bare criteria to make it to the finish line of becoming a grown up. If I had known how challenging everything is I would have listened when teachers said crap like do good now and you'll have a better future.. That was the problem, future, in the land of dreams my options are limitless. My youth was about getting nearer to the dangers of adulthood, not the knowledge it offered in order to be a success. Idealizing programs that were of materialism and objectifying yourself. Nip/tuck was and still is a fantastic TV show but to have it installed into my brain at such a young age defeated me of self esteem at that age, even though now re watching the series i realize it was about seeing beauty within as well, right? Shows have a different meaning as we age. I used to love staying up late to watch Sex and the City back then and I'd think to myself i can't wait to 'do it'. Live on the impulse and fall in love. The show doesn't mention that when you 'do it' (then mindset) you get feelings for people. It's a connection, a true bonding experience. Its so thrilling right? Well no! Feelings suck. Then there's the fantasy of alcohol or reality TV! It upsets me that i got hooked to crap like that as a kid and it worked its way in. Now my adulthood has been filled with false logic. I can't do math but i know how to cure an overdose before it takes control.. Just puke. I guess what I'm saying is 'adulhood you have to be this naive to continue learning the proper way to be an adult'. Wisdom here I come!